Wednesday, May 28, 2008

So, I Guess I'm Raising a Terrorist

Here is the most frightening job description I've heard in a while, as told by a University of Minnesota student via the City Pages:

What they (the FBI) were looking for, Carroll (not his real name) says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protestors, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enfocement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”

If this kid's efforts resulted in an arrest, he would be paid money.

Read the City Pages article here.

Also, and I have to say this because it bugs the hell out of me, the first sentence of that paragraph I quoted up there is grammatically incorrect. It should say, "schmooze his way" and "report back".

But I digress.

I've decided to write a letter to the FBI, since they're probably reading this post seeing as how I've put the word "terrorist" in the title (Sweet! My readership just went up!).

Dear FBI,

Our next potluck will be at Como park, on June 21st, 1:00 p.m. at the picnic tables near the playground. We're having it by the playground because a lot of us have children. My little one (can you believe she's almost 2?!) loves slides and tunnels.

Oh, about the food. I'm bringing some spinach enchiladas. I think Jane will bring her kick-ass cookies again. Brett, Isabelle and their son Greg will bring the fruit salad. So ... let's see, maybe you could bring something to drink? Or maybe another main dish?

Could you wear your FBI windbreaker so we know who you are? Oh no, wait, that's right, you're just an informant. Well, I guess you'll know who we are by the pipe-bomb pieces and various explosives sitting next to our children's strollers (little Frank loves playing with the putty!).

OK, well, hope to see you there!


p.s. Just in case a humorless agent actually reads this, I am of course joking. I have never made - and do not how to make - a bomb. I do not know anyone who has ever made - or knows how to make - a bomb. All of the vegans I know are nice, friendly, non-violent people.

Please leave us alone.


1 comment:

Vegan_Noodle said...

This is hilarious....

BTW, I was catching up of VF podcasts and heard your comment! It was probably awhile ago, but I was like, hey!, I know his blog!